all talk and no action

Technology journalist Richard Cobbett has listed his five ways freelance writers fail their audition, which prompted me to finish a list I've been meaning to jot down: seven ways to make your editor love you. These, too, are real life examples.

1. Impress with your sci-fi movie knowledge
In tech journalism, Star Trek references get full marks for originality, but quotes from Star Wars, Buffy or Lord of the Rings come pretty close. Start your report from a Microsoft keynote with "In a stunning turn of events similar to when Captain Kirk saved the Enterprise in blah blah" and you'll be front of the queue for the next commission.

2. Do it your own way
A commission is merely a guideline. Feel free not to read it, or to read it and then ignore it. This applies to all parts of the commission: word count, deadline, and especially the content of the piece. If you've been asked to conduct an interview but it's nearly time for Neighbours on TV, don't bother: simply copy and paste a few quotes from the web.

3. Disregard deadlines
Don't stress if you can't meet a deadline. There's no need to email or call to ask for extra time -- editors are used to work arriving late and so they give you a false deadline set a couple of days before they actually need the copy. If you're later than two days, though, claim that server problems/spam filters/Ukrainian hackers ate your work the first time around. We fall for that one every time.

4. Half a feature is better than none
If a commission asks for 2,000 words of body copy, two 500-word boxouts and 10 screenshots with captions, feel free to send in 1,500 words of body copy, one boxout and three screenshots with a note saying "the rest will follow shortly; I'm just waiting on some quotes and other material from the PR agency." Then go to the pub. We'll happily sit and wait for the rest to arrive.

5. Stop writing when you feel like it
If we ask for 3,000 words, feel free to overwrite and send in 5,000. We never allocate pages for your article in advance, so we'll just use however many it needs. Or we'll spend half a day cutting it back to the correct word count instead. Don't warn your editor in advance, though -- that would spoil the surprise. And don't forget to invoice for the extra copy, whether it makes it into the final piece or not.

6. Show off your layout skills
Microsoft Word is perfect for laying out articles: you can paste in images, use all sorts of fonts and colours, and then drop in some cute clip-art to liven up the design. Our designers will thank you for saving them the hassle of doing it themselves. Sure, the commission specified plain text, with images in a separate zipped folder, but that's just a guideline, right?

7. Take a break
Once you've submitted your copy (a week late, preferably), unplug your modem, chuck your mobile phone into a cupboard and go mountain biking in Wales for a week. The likelihood of us needing to contact you to check a fact or verify a quote is slim. And we can always wait until you return.

Do you get emails from cheeky sods too? Not existing freelances :)

What I mean is - every few weeks, I'll get emails from would-be freelancers asking for advice. I sent similar mails when I was starting out, which is why I tend to reply, but I'd never have dreamed of sending messages like this:

"wnt to be writer how do i do it"

or - and I was flabbergasted by this - a demand for a full recap of my career to date together with advice and editorial contacts. Within 24 hours. Without even a please :-o

I'd imagine an Ed's email address attracts even worse examples...

Not loads. Obviously, I'm happy for freelancers to pitch articles but when I reply and ask for a sample of their writing it confuses me a little when they send something entirely unrelated to the subject or tone of voice of the mag they're pitching to. I do get a few of the "want to writ for ur magazin plz" emails, as well. :)

Maybe they're too busy being cheeky to other writers to be cheeky to eds :)

As I read that list, I flashed back to the time I started off a "Netwatch" with an anecdote about Willow in Buffy using the term "Googling"...

Bugger.

That was a missed opportunity, Karl. You should have talked about how Buffy booted into Linux to query Google as to why she was on the Starship Enterprise for triple points :)

Hello and congrats for having such a well organized blog. I’ve been working as a freelancer for a few years now, and I gradually eliminated the flaws and mistakes any newbie freelancer makes. Here are some of my thoughts: there are plenty of freelancing websites that offer free subscription, so you can try your luck with one of those. Of course, if you want to have less competition and access to better paid projects, try a subscription paid web site. You can then select the categories where you believe you are skilled in. Ranging from coding, beta-testing, graphic and web design and going to translations, content writing and data base management, you will definitely find a freelance category that will go well with your skills.

I also wanted to put together a free guide for beginners in the online freelancing world – you can check it out by reading my guide on the pros and cons of online freelancing I’d be happy to receive suggestions as to how to improve my guide and informative articles.

Thanks,

Michael Rad
Webmaster of www.Web2earn.com